A NOTE ON THE STAGING:
The stage is a physical representation of a split in the space-time continuum. Because such concepts can be difficult to understand, the staging must be exceedingly clear.
At several crucial moments, the timeline (and therefore the scene) will bifurcate, and multiple versions of the same scene will be seen side-by-side. This enables the audience to see two potential outcomes of a choice made by one of the characters.
Since multiple versions of the same scene will be presented at the same time, it is important that all "versions" of a character are dressed in identical outfits. This will make it clear that they are multiple instances of the same character, not multiple characters. It is also important that the multiple versions of each character never notice each other.
A NOTE ON THE DIALOGUE:
Most of the dialogue is spoken in turns, with the different worlds alternating focus. Occasionally, however, dialogue and/or action overlaps between the different worlds. This is indicated by parallel columns of text, spaced to show the alignment in time between each line and stage directions. Additionally, simultaneous action and/or dialogue has been bolded for further emphasis.
CHARACTERS:
JED: 16-year-old boy. Adolescent-looking and nebbish.
CHRISTINA: Jed's more attractive, more commanding girlfriend.
(Up to four separate versions of these characters appear at different times.)
SETTING:
A nondescript bedroom in a nondescript house.
AT RISE:
Sitting next to each other on a bed are JED and CHRISTINA.
CHRISTINA: Look, I really am sorry about all this.
JED: "All this?"
CHRISTINA: You know, the whole... thing, and... stuff.
JED: You're not sorry.
CHRISTINA: I am. Really, I am. Just because our relationship is over, it doesn't mean we don't still love each other.
JED: Seriously?
CHRISTINA: Seriously. I mean, if-
JED (interrupting): You're unbelievable! You are unbelievable. If you still loved me, you wouldn't be dumping me.
CHRISTINA: Don't use that word.
JED: "Dumping"?
CHRISTINA: Yeah. I'm not "dumping" you, I'm...
(The lights go off, abruptly, without dimming. They go back on immediately after, revealing a bifurcated scene: two JEDs and two CHRISTINAs, each paired off with the other side by side. The two pairs are not aware of each other.
From hereon out, the original JED and CHRISTINA will be referred to as JED 1 and CHRISTINA 1, with each new pair increasing sequentially in number.)
CHRISTINA 1: ...temporarily putting our relationship on hold.
CHRISTINA 2: ...just ready to move on.
| JED 1: On hold? | JED 2: Move on? |
CHRISTINA 1: I just need a break. Okay? We're different people now.
CHRISTINA 2: It's like you're a toaster.
| JED 1: Huh? | JED 2: Huh? |
CHRISTINA 1: I've grown apart from you. You know, I used to feel this... connection with you, like you knew exactly what I was thinking all the time.
CHRISTINA 2: Like you're a toaster, and I'm a piece of toast. And you've had me in your cold, metal clutches for so long, but now - POP! I'm flying up out of the slot, out of your unfeeling arms.
CHRISTINA 1: Now, though, it's just like we're strangers. I need a break.
CHRISTINA 2: And I may be a little burnt, but hey, at least I'm out of there!
JED 1: But I don't want to take a break!
JED 2: But I'm not a toaster!
CHRISTINA 1: You know, it's this kind of whining that made all of my friends say I was too good for you. They all said-
CHRISTINA 2: It's not like I have anything against toasters. (Beat.) Or toaster ovens, for that matter.
| CHRISTINA 1 (imitates friend's voice): "He is just not what you need right now." | CHRISTINA 2: They're just not what I need right now. |
(Lights off; then on, same as before. Now there are 3 pairs of JED & CHRISTINA.)
JED 1: Your "friends?" More like your "people who pretend to like you so they can use your pool."
JED 3: I can't believe you're bringing your friends into this.
JED 2: I can't believe you're bringing toast into this.
CHRISTINA 1: My friends like me for who I am.
CHRISTINA 3: My friends always liked me more than they liked you.
CHRISTINA 2: All this talk about toast is making me kind of hungry.
JED 1: Look, do you remember that time Jenni called you when we were at the mall?
(JED 3 sighs. He slumps over near CHRISTINA 3, and she puts her arm behind his back, as if to hold him, but without actually touching him. They sit in silence for a moment.)
| CHRISTINA 1: Um... yeah? JED 1: And I was in the dressing room, and you forgot all about me? CHRISTINA 1: I did not forget all about you. JED 1: You drove home without me! |
(JED 3 and CHRISTINA 3 continue sitting together.) | (CHRISTINA 2 rummages around her room and finds a bag of chips. She and JED 2 begin to eat, and, as they do, some of the tension in the room dissipates.) |
(CHRISTINA 1 and JED 1 look at each other silently, angrily.)
JED 2: These are kind of stale.
(CHRISTINA 3's phone rings.)
CHRISTINA 2: So stale.
CHRISTINA 1: Look, I'm sorry.
CHRISTINA 3 (into phone): Hello?
JED 1: Sorry?
CHRISTINA 3: Oh my god! (to JED:) It's Jenni! (into phone:) No way! That is so exciting!
JED 2: Someone should check the expiration date on these things.
JED 3: Um, hello?
CHRISTINA 1: Yeah. We should talk.
CHRISTINA 3: Not now, Jed, we can talk later!
CHRISTINA 1: I can't believe you've put up with me as long as you have.
JED 3: I can't believe I've put up with this as long as I have!
JED 1: Oh, I just...
CHRISTINA 1 (putting her finger over his lips, sweetly): Shhh...
CHRISTINA 3 (angrily): Shhh!
| (JED 1 & CHRISTINA 1 look at each other and slowly lean into a kiss, which becomes surprisingly passionate.) | JED 3: I can't believe I've put up with this as
long as I have. (Having an epiphany) You have no redeeming qualities!
None! (Calming down) I feel so free now... I'm leaving. Have fun
with the rest of your life.
(He leaves. CHRISTINA 3 will sit there, frozen, empty and alone, for the remainder of the play.) |
JED 2: You know what this reminds me of? Remember at junior prom, when Jenni put her foot in a bowl of salsa?
CHRISTINA 2: My god, she is such a ditz.
JED 2: Remind me why you're friends with her again?
CHRISTINA 2: Who knows? I can't believe I've put up with her for as long as I have.
(JED 2 starts to choke on a chip.)
JED 1: Christina!
CHRISTINA 3: Jed?
CHRISTINA 2: Jed?
CHRISTINA 1: Jed!
CHRISTINA 3: Jed?
CHRISTINA 2: JED?!
(Lights off; on. A fourth pair has appeared.)
| (CHRISTINA 1 & JED 1 make out.) | (CHRISTINA 3 sits alone.) | (CHRISTINA 2 begins to use the Heimlich
maneuver, and is successful. JED 3 spits up a piece of chip and coughs.)
JED 2: Jesus! CHRISTINA 2: Oh, thank god. JED 2: You saved my life! CHRISTINA 2: I would kiss you, but you just coughed up a huge wad of corn chips. |
(CHRISTINA 4 begins to use the Heimlich maneuver, but is not successful. JED 4 turns blue and passes out, slumped over her.) |
| CHRISTINA 4: Are you breathing? Oh my god Jed are you breathing? SOMEBODY HELP! |
| JED 1: I guess this means we're not breaking up? | (CHRISTINA 3 continues to sit alone.) | JED 2: I guess this means we're not breaking up? |
| (CHRISTINA 4 screams.) |
| CHRISTINA 3: I should have cheated on you when I had the chance! |
(Lights out.)
